自己

新しい出会い

私が勉強するきっかけを作ってくれたのは間違いなく、中学の時の塾の先生だ。

小学生の時、一応、国立小学校に入っていたが、本当に勉強が苦手だった。面白みが無かったし、それを楽しいものとしている人が自分の周りにはいなかった。

仕方ないでしょ。やらなきゃいけないんだから。子どもは勉強するのが仕事でしょ。とかいう謎の台詞も何度も聞いた。

それから中学に進学し、春休みに行った塾の先生が、いわゆる、数学マニアだった。

数学を愛し、数学の楽しさを先生自身が本当にワクワクしながら教えてくれた。もちろんその科目だけではなく、これからの人生において何をするべきかを教える者としてではなく、ひとりの人間として示してくれた。

そんな先生の授業に私は夢中になっていた。先生の言葉、一言一言逃さないように聞くことに必死だった。

数千人規模の塾内でのテストでも、ただその先生に自分を認めてもらいたくて、必死に勉強し、上位5位に入れるように維持していた。

今まで色々な大人からの言葉を投げかけられてきたけれども、勉強し続けている大人を見たのは正直初めてだった。

まだまだお前らには負けないからなといい放つその先生の姿勢は間違いなく私たちを対等なものとして扱い、ライバル視すらしていたように感じる。

自分は数学だけだからな。5教科合わせたら俺の負けだわ。でも数学は絶対負けないからな、と。

言葉でどれだけ言われてもしっくりこない。勉強し続ける、問題を解きつづける先生の姿を見て、素直に私もそうありたいと思った。

 

一生勉強し続けられる人でいたい。

そして、先生にように人の人生に影響を与える人生を送りたいと思ったものだ。

高校生になり夢は変わりつつあったが、自分が成し遂げたいことが終われば先生のように塾講師になることが夢だった。

 

私自身も毎日勉強ばかりだ。

塾講師になったら終わりなんてそんなことはない。

まだまだ知らないことがあり、それと向き合っていく自分の姿を見た生徒たちが自身で気づき、チャレンジし続けてくれることを心より願っている。

 

新しい生徒と出会うたびに意識することがある。

ありのままの自分を見せて、それで馬が合わないならそれはそれで仕方ない。

とにかく、自分のやりたいようにやっていきたい。

自分が今伝える一つ一つの情報よりもその時々で対応していく器用な自分、時には不器用な自分を見せるのもいいと思う。

一人の人間として生徒と向き合っていけたらと思う。

 

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