自分の人生を生きる

決断をする時のこと

何かを決断する時に悩みますよね。

その時、何に悩んでいますか?

 

例えば、AとB、どちらの方がいいかなと悩むのであれば、より、自分にとって有益かどうかを考えて決断をすればいいですよね。

きっと、考えるための判断条件がそれだけであれば問題なくあっという間に答え見つけられるはずです。

 

では、なぜ何日も悩んでしまうことがあるのか。

それは、自分の直感とのズレを認識しているから。

つまり、どう考えても有益ではない方向に自分が魅力を感じてしまっているからなんですね。

私たちが人生の岐路に立たされた時、それは単なる通り道を選んでいる訳ではなくて、その道はまさに、自分に生きる道なんですね。

それで自分の生き方そのものが変化していきます。

 

より有益な方にという論理的に考えて出した答えよりも、自分の直感が勝ってしまっている。

そのジレンマに悩んでしまっている訳です。

そんな時、我々はどのような道を選ぶべきなのか。

 

かの有名な岡本太郎氏の本にはこう書かれている。

 

危険な道と安全な道。なぜ迷うのか。危険な道が自分の行きたい道だからだ。結果がまずくいこうがいくまいがかまわない。むしろまずくいった方が面白いんだと考えて、自分の運命を掛けていけば、いのちがパッとひらくじゃないか。何かを貫こうとしたら、体当たりするつもりで、ぶつからなければ駄目だ。体当たりする前から、きっとうまくいかないんじゃないかなんて、自分で決めて諦めてしまう。愚かなことだ。ほんとうに生きるということは、自分で自分を崖から突き落とし、自分自身と闘って、運命をきりひらいていくことなんだ。それなのに、ぶつかる前から決め込んでしまうのは、もうその段階で、自分の存在を見失っている証拠じゃないか。

 

この言葉には本当に勇気をもらえる。ただ単に言われたことを聞いて行動しているだけではそれは自分の人生を生きているということにはならない。

誰かのために自分を捧げるなんてそんなバカげたことをしてはならない。子どもや他人に夢を抱いて他人の夢に乗っかるようなそんな人生ならもういらない。

自分の人生は自分で決める。まさに、自分自身の在り方を考えさせてくれる内容だ。

その他大勢になってはいけないと思わせてくれる。

変わった人であるというレッテルを貼られても平気。一部の人から嫌われてそれで一人前。

そう思わせてくれる言葉です。

 

自身の生き方を通して我々に生き方を提唱してくれている彼の言葉から学べることは他にもたくさんある。

私も彼の言葉を信じて多くのことを学び続け、毎日自分で自分を鼓舞させ続けるような人生を送っていきたいと思う。

 

また、自分が奇跡的に関われた生徒たちに対しては自身の経験を生かした授業を心がけていきたいと思う。

 

話を聞いて流すだけではなくてしっかりそこから吸収できるようなそんな人に育って欲しいと心より願う。

 

<今日読んだ本>

自分の中に毒を持て 岡本太郎

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